:right now:

Right now, I am...

:saying: goodbye to strawberries and peonies, and 'hello' to blueberries and roses.

:sewing: a bohemian skirt. the scraps are as gorgeous as the skirt. see photo #2.

:playing: 'secret life of daydreams'and 'mrs. darcy' from the 'pride and prejudice' soundtrack. captivating.

:apologizing: for the terrific mess around here. it won't be for long, promise.

:excited: about a trip to oregon. about meeting my best friend in person, for the first time. about seeing the pacific. that her parents offered to take me, for a week. [amazing people]
but...

:nervous: because i'll be flying out alone. yet it's a good nervousness.

:loving: going barefoot. long walks in the moonlight. peonies. clean sinks. photography. being outdoors.

:listening too: luciano pavoratti. such a unbelivable and pure voice. one of the very few true singers the modern world has known. vivere!

:laughing: at myself. because i've been home alone all morning, and haven't stopped talking to myself. the entire time. and yes, occasionally answering myself. ;)

:working: outside. a lot.

:finding: a new dream. because what i thought was meant to be wasn't. because what used to be enough wasn't enough. because dreams are not meant to be forever.

:understanding: what anne meant, when she said.. ' i'm not a bit changed - not really. i'm only just pruned down and branched out. the real me - back here - is just the same.'

:over-using: the word 'cute'. because i can.

:thankful: for a holy and righteous God, who bears with his children. and for his Love.

:wishing you a splendid week, whatever it may hold!:

My Heart's Cry...

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffi never write poetry.
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ever.
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffft yet, the other evening, this came to me. at 1 in the morning.
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff so here it is.

Teach me of my calling, to spread my wings and fly,
to flutter through the air, and dream of by-and-by,

To see the skies myself, to see that azure blue,
to see what others meant, when they spoke of brilliant hue.

Give me wings to fly! My heart cannot stand still,
I see a plain before me, with meadows, rocks, and rills.

I know it won't be easy, when I first hop off my limb,
that tortures dark and gruesome, will come before the end,

But am I made to stay here? Oh no, it cannot be,
the call is to discover, God's work he has for me.

And if I am to sing, and send a call so free,
or serve a nest of birdies, whatever it may be,

Well, here's my heart and here's my wings, and
here's my struggling soul,
Teach me to fly among the stars, then safely lead me home.

[ Keep an eye out - I've got several posts that will be out shortly, and a blog make-over in the process. So. Excited!]

:ahem:

fffSo, I'll be honest. I've been really, really discouraged about blogging, as of late. For various reasons, but the main reason being that it just seems like I'm not growing. Fast enough. :cough: I would love to see more comments, and more visitors, but I'm not really quite sure what to do - to make that happen. And Patience is - not- one of my virtues. At all. ;)

ffffffddddddfffffffffdff: hang in there. I know this is terrible, but it gets better. Promise. : fffffffffddd

Thinking about all of this, I got grumbly about it, and a little irritated, and had a very nice pity-party about it all. :laughing:

Finally, common sense stepped in, and I realized that was the - wrong- attitude. And very self-centered.

Common Sense [speaking]: "Are followers, comments and blog hits the reason why you write?? No! You're writing because you love to write, because you can't help but write. Because you have a life cause and a message that is important, and so pressing you can't help but share it. So, can you please get a life and suck it up?'

fffffffffffffffffffffddddffff ffffffffffff::gulp:: ffffddddddffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
[Now-rational-self] "Okay, so I suppose I knew that all along. hehe :P "

So, anyway. I'm sorry for not blogging as much. And for being a bit of a sop. I love my life, and what I do. And I'm excited about what's upcoming on Come Dance With Me. If I can ever find the time to get some of these 'drafts' into posts, you'll see just what I mean. ;)

And for you people who've been with me all along, thank you. Thank you for your comments, and for hanging with me through renovations, happy days, and growing up. You're the bestest.

Oh, and I have dance videos. But that's for next time! ;)
Blessings,

We Shall Be Judged...

Have you ever lived your life under intense scrutiny by others? Have you ever been harshly criticized by people who cannot understand what you believe? Have you ever found yourself the sources of jealousy for 'being in the lime light' when you hate being there?


I have been. And I think, perhaps, some of you have been as well.

I am, by no means, a famous person. But sometime the 'being watched through a microscope' is enough to drive a person mad.

I am an oldest child, the first in my [extended] family to be homeschooled, and one of the few homeschooled children in the area. I have made a decision to dress differently, and what I believe is more modestly. I have made the decision not to go to a 4-year college. I hope to be a stay-at-home mother. I don't 'date around'. I blog and write. I'm a doctor's daughter. I've been performing since I was 4 years old. I don't watch television. I'm not an [obviously] emotional person.

I am judged.

So are you.

It's not easy. It's tough sometimes, real, real tough. It's hard to be the person people turn to when they need emotional help. It is not always an honor.

There will be times when you are judged, both fairly and unfairly. Harshly and deservedly.

There will be times when you are forced into the limelight, much against your wishes.

Maybe you're the person people call up, crying, when they need help. Maybe you're the person people bring their relationship issues too. Maybe you find yourself as a role-model. Maybe you find yourself the object of a crush. Maybe you were asked to teach a class. The possibilities are endless.

Being in the lime light is terrifying for me. To me, messing up often equals failure, and I don't want others to see that. I like being in the background.

But we can't always have what we want.



So what do we do?

Not like I did, last time. I totally had an emotional melt down. That would be, officially, NOT the way to handle it.

Well then?

Pray. Pray a lot, pray hard and pray often. God does not allow us to 'be given more then what we can bear. There is a great deal of comfort in that promise. He sees that our puny humans forms cannot bear much.

Realize that messing-up isn't the end of the world. "Miss Perfectionism" speaking here. I cannot give you good advice, because this is something I am working on myself. But I know it is true.
Hang in there. Keep going, even when it's rough.
Most importantly, don't be paralyzed by judgement. It's God's judgement that we need to be fearful of, not man's.

You'll make it. So will I.

Take heart, my friend!

Joshua 1:9 "Do not be frightened and do not be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Think of Me...

Think of me think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye remember me once in a while, please promise me you'll try...

"Think of Me" is my most recent 'big' aria, and also one of my favorite pieces. Working the background work for the piece (ie, deciding how you're going to 'attack' it, etc), has been very easy work. Which is good, because Bello Cante style insists upon it. After all, who of us has never felt this way, even if we didn't put it into words? When saying goodbye to dear friends, after a weekend with family, or even, as with Christine, thinking of someone she loved. And sometimes, inspite of ourselves, we fall into the same way of thinking. Of longing for better and happier times. In a small way, perhaps it's good for us. I hope so. This week has had times when I felt just like that. :)

When you find, that once again you long to take your heart back, and be free if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea... but if you can still remember, stop and think of me

Think of all the things we've shared and seen, don't think about the things which might have been Think of me think of me waking, silent and resigned... imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind...

Recall those days, look back on all those times, think of the things we'll never do... there will never be a day when I won't think of you

So yes. I'm thrilling to think of performing this song onstage.

The reasons for this blog...

This is answer to several articles and questions I've recently seen on the subject.

~I blog because I am a writer, and writing is my pastime - no, pastime sounds too vague, it's my passion! I write convulsively. Wait. That's the wrong word. I meant -impulsively. (And I’m not being funny either, that was a real mess-up :P ) Paper is sometimes the only way I can turn thoughts into words, and accordingly, analyze them. Of course, most of that will never turn up here, but for me not to write... not to put pen to paper - that would almost be sin. It’d be wrong, in any case.

~I blog because I'm selfish and love feedback on what I'm writing. Reaction, yes, but since I have left my 1 1/2 years of magazine editing/publishing behind for a while, I'm a bit lonely for a good reason to write. Voila! ;)

~To keep up with distant friends and family, and to update the interested on the farm and family life. I've been surprised at who has kept in touch with me - you are very special people, every one of you. How can I ever thank you enough?

~ To encourage and uplift, to teach and mortify falsehood as best I can. This truly is my main, driving force for writing - no, more then that. That is our reason for being on earth. If I can touch a soul, brighten a day, wound a proud heart or show some hopeless person hope - then I can die in peace. Alas, I’ve done little enough of that...

There is my answer. Why do you blog? What are your driving forces? Comment or leave a link to your article below... :)

A Catalyst

I've been getting ready some interview questions for a upcoming interview, and as I was writing them I realized that there was one I wanted to answer myself. The question was about the first time someone had realized they loved music - a specific event that had spurred on their love of music - and I realized that I can almost pinpoint my own. My first catalyst towards music.


I must have been about four, as this is one of my earliest memories. Our family was visiting North Carolina for a fall vacation, and on Sunday we found a congregation of believers to worship with. I'll never forget it. It was an all African American congregation - we didn't see many black people in our area of the coal camps, so it was my first experience with hearing them sing.

And, oh, how they could sing. I won't ever forget the acappela, 4-part singing as long as I live - even though I've sung acappela and 4-part ever since I can remember, there was something unbelievable about the fervor with which these people sang.

"The LORD is with us! And blessed be the ROCK, and let the God of my salvation be EXALTED!"

I was little, but I will never forget the amazement I felt - and this perhaps is the first of many such incidents that spurred me toward my current goals as a solo performer - and of course, 4-part harmony. :)

"I will call upon MY Lord, who is WORTHY to be praised!"

What was it that made it so memorable? It wasn't the song - it wasn't that their voices where perfect, for they certainly were not - it was how they sang it. They sang with total trust - and exultant praise.

As long as I live let me do the same - honor my creator, not with perfection, but with the best I can give.

What about you? Can you pinpoint the first time you realized how important music was to you?

~Repost~ Candyland Romance

~reposted to this blog from my own - some of you may remember it from a few months back~

I went out to the woods today, and had another long “think”… 'tis frightening that I think so much, but quite productive, if you ask me. ;)

“Candyland romance”, as I like to term it, has been a topic that has severely lain on my mind for the last couple of months, but never worked itself into words. Now perhaps I can lay it out to you in a way that will make at least as much sense as it does to me.

I’ve grown up in a more-or-less conservative community, and I shall say right now that I am INTENSELY thankful for that fact. Growing up among (seemingly) conservative people was one of the greatest blessings I have had, and it has been very interesting to grown up among such peers. Rather, at one time they were peers, but I have seen a subtle change in these people as the years have progressed… one so slight that it has take n much intense observing to see it, and even more to put it into words.

The first time I noticed this change was around 13 or 14, when we young folks came out of the idea that “guys-gals have cooties” stage and parents began making relationship decisions on courting, dating, dorting, etc, etc…
( I make no comment on any of these options.. I have my own opinion, as well you know, but now is not the time to go into that…) To whit, a lot of us stopped playing “Mother, may I” and things began changing.

For one thing, (at least on the gal’s side of the coin), most of the discussions became totally senseless, long and boring discussions on how “Cay-uuute” so-and-so was, etc… then, people started “pairing up”, and things got interesting.

To break off from the diatribe, I want to point out what (I see) was lacking - a serious mind toward things of serious importance. And, while that is perhaps understandable in a middle-schooler, one would hope that it would pass… but it has not.

To use one of my former best friends as a example… this dear young lady gave me QUITE a account about how wonderful, cute, sweet, adorable, and etc. her boyfriend was, and I, being in a evil mood, began asking questions… (And I think made her fairly mad in the process, which was honestly not my intention.) Anyway, this “most wonderful feller in the world” turns out to be a non-Christian, high school student who’s most interesting attribute was that ( and I nearly quote) ‘he’s not like most guys who are, like, ‘take offas much as you can’, but like, likes that I dress modest.” Oh, and he keeps her on the phone until 3 or 4 in the morning. *makes no comment*

If this was a single example, I would have little to say, because we all make mistakes… but, I see the same thing happening again and again… what is wrong? What are we lacking?

In a sentence: we are viewing marriage and romance as a game to be played, not as a serious, God-ordained relationship.

Things of God are to be taken seriously. Waiting for/finding a future spouse is not a game, it is a life changing event that should be considered as such.

Our culture hates that idea, do they not? Don’t they strive to promote the very opposite?
Now, I don’t want to hear the little “ well, you just have the long-faced and sack-cloth approach to life” remarks… anyone who knows me knows that nothing is further from the case! It’s not that I’m promoting a sad or mournful look on life, it’s that we have gone too far in the opposite direction! And I venture to say that we would actually be happier if we took this approach!

Where am I going with all this? 'Tis a hard question to answer. Perhaps it's best use is as a warning... because I love my peers, and it worries me to see them spend so much time and energy in the "fun" of the moment, only to see the pain it causes them later on, down the road... because of the horrific upward spurt in divorce... But, it's "use" aside, I call you... I beg you... now is the only "now" you will have ! Use this time to become more OF God... not just to tread the line!

~Katharine Davis

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