My Grandmother found this 'letter' in a rural paper, that circulates in the mountains of West Virginia
...and I found it hilarious. Of course, right now I'm really tired and hyper, so everything seems funny. :ahem:
I am writing slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we used too. Your pa read an article that said most accidents happen within 20 miles of home. So we moved. This new place has a washing-machine. The first day we got here I put all your shirts in it. I pulled the chain and ain’t seen ‘em since.
The front porch fell off yesterday and went down the river. It wouldn’t have ben so bad except we lost two freezers, three washing-machines, and a Sears dryer. Pa said he believed one of ‘em would’ve worked if we had electricity.
It only rained twice this week, once for three days and four days the second time. I sent the coat you wanted. Aunt Sue said it would be too heavy to mail with them big brass buttons on it, so I cut ‘em off and and put ‘em in the pocket. We got a bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don’t pay the last payment on Grandma’s burial, she comes up.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat down at work yesterday. Four men tried to rescue him but he fought them off ’till he drowned. We had him cremated and he burned fer three days.
Your brother broke his leg while doing yard work. He was raking leaves and the tree limb broke.
Three of yor friends were in a terrible accident. They were riding in a pickup truck and ran off the bridge. The driver managed to get the window open and swim to safety. The other two drowned. They couldn’t get the tailgate down…
The police chief got a new car. He wrecked it the first night. He got his leg caught in the steering wheel while tying to dim the headlights.
Well, that’s about it. If I get any more news I’ll write again.
PS. – I was going to send you some money but had already sealed the envelope.